Do you ever fight about the fight? That is a phrase Matt and I learned in a book we bought before we were married. For instance, you and your significant other have a simple disagreement about dinner when the disagreement ignites a knock-down, drag-out, guns-a'blazing battle. Ever been there? Matt and I never have, of course...(ahem)...
Alright, it might have happened once. On the night in question, I might have thrown a shoe. Alright, I threw a shoe.
It was not a fun night, but it was the first time I came to the monumental realization that my place of security had moved right out from under me, and worse, I had done the moving. There I was, furious, ready to storm away--I grabbed my keys and the shoe I didn't throw, and I made my way to the door. It hit me in that moment that there was nowhere to run. As I mentally reviewed my plan to drive home, I was flabbergasted to discover I was home. He was home. We were not married yet, but my heart was his completely. It didn't make sense to go anywhere else. We made up, and I don't believe I have thrown a shoe since...a scrub brush, maybe, but no more shoes. : )
The past few months have brought great loss, not only for our family, but for others. I have cried out to the Lord in anger, frustration, confusion, grief, and sadness. In the middle of all my crying out, though, is the knowledge of where my home is. My God is big enough to take the hurt, the anger, and the shoes I launch at Him. Sometimes it feels He is calling me to trust His purpose and His ability and His timing. Asking me to remember this world is not my home. Asking me to have just mustard seed-sized faith, even when I cannot see a single, decent reason for the circumstances people face. Asking me not to run away, but instead to draw nearer and nearer to the One who holds my heart completely.
Alright, it might have happened once. On the night in question, I might have thrown a shoe. Alright, I threw a shoe.
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| If you do not get the reference, please visit the following link immediately! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5D5oKEVqQJg |
It was not a fun night, but it was the first time I came to the monumental realization that my place of security had moved right out from under me, and worse, I had done the moving. There I was, furious, ready to storm away--I grabbed my keys and the shoe I didn't throw, and I made my way to the door. It hit me in that moment that there was nowhere to run. As I mentally reviewed my plan to drive home, I was flabbergasted to discover I was home. He was home. We were not married yet, but my heart was his completely. It didn't make sense to go anywhere else. We made up, and I don't believe I have thrown a shoe since...a scrub brush, maybe, but no more shoes. : )
The past few months have brought great loss, not only for our family, but for others. I have cried out to the Lord in anger, frustration, confusion, grief, and sadness. In the middle of all my crying out, though, is the knowledge of where my home is. My God is big enough to take the hurt, the anger, and the shoes I launch at Him. Sometimes it feels He is calling me to trust His purpose and His ability and His timing. Asking me to remember this world is not my home. Asking me to have just mustard seed-sized faith, even when I cannot see a single, decent reason for the circumstances people face. Asking me not to run away, but instead to draw nearer and nearer to the One who holds my heart completely.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
If I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
If I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
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