Mr. Independent < Why I'll Always Love the 4th of July >

Three years ago today I found out I was a mama. I loved this boy fiercely when he was the size of a poppy seed. I love him fiercely now that he is over 26 wiggly pounds.

This holiday will always mean the world to me because it brings all those memories straight back like a punch. I feel it in my chest, the disbelief and the joy, like my heart would actually burst. The gratitude as I fell to my knees by the sink and cried and whispered fervent thank yous to the Lord before I woke my husband up to tell him he was going to be a father. The words I'd waited and waited and waited to speak. The entire day spent smiling so hard my cheeks were surely sore. Breakfast out, and in a sundress. One newborn outfit purchased from the Carter's store, where I cried immediately upon entering. Not buying clothes because we needed money, and my body was about to be a lot different, and what kind of seafood exactly could I not eat at lunch? And guess what? I can't take - any- of the medicine I have for the migraine that's not going anywhere for months (unbeknownst to me at the time, thankfully). Watching fireworks on the beach. Getting that picture of Matt holding me and thinking it might be the last time he could pick me up like that for a lonnngg while. Haha! And suddenly, instantaneously, not caring about anything but this tiny baby inside of me. It was one of the happiest days of my entire life.

And now? Oh now. Now my days are chock full of this boy's shenanigans, his quotes, his energy, his joy, his messes. We pile our days high with books and museums and zoos and parks and libraries and movies and friends and naps and projects and puzzles and errands. I still fumble and fail often, and those mistakes hurt, but I have so much fun. We have so much fun.
Jesus had to free me up from quite a few
things before He gave me the son whose middle name means Freedom. I'm fighting every day to hold any ground I gain. The battle is fierce, but the victories are sweet.

Whom the Son sets free is free indeed, hallelujah.

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