Am I the only one who found making friends as an adult complicated in ways I never saw coming?
Am I the only one who searched through college and beyond to find her niche? A single place where she belonged? Only to fail again and again?
My story (and Matt's too, for that matter), might not be terribly common. We belonged to a crew in high school that was diverse and tightly-knit and irreplaceable. These people became my support group and my best friends and my whole life. Then college hit, and we scattered across the state and the country and the universe (not really the universe)! Still, moving into Newman Hall in the fall of 2005, I had high hopes of a new chapter on my own. Surely in a crowd of nearly 11,000 people I could find my place. No I couldn't, and don't call me Shirley! Everything I tried either fizzled or exploded. At best, I didn't fit in. At worst, I was being yelled at for missing a bible study. Side note: if you are ever yelled at for missing a bible study, find a new bible study. Not every experience was that horrible. I made new friends in some of these groups; I had some fun. I grew in my walk with Christ through a new campus ministry. Each time I would begin to open up, life would come along as it does, and the people I'd opened up to were suddenly absent...or I was busy with a cute guy I had to drive an hour north for every weekend. Even though I found a few of my closest and most trusted friends at U.S.I., I never found them in a group, and I certainly never found a lasting place in one.
After college, things didn't get any easier. In my heart, I dreamed of finding a place where Matt and I both fit in and felt comfortable. Wouldn't it be amazing to be connect with a group again? Maybe even meet some more young, married couples like us in our very own city? Maybe even young, married couples who followed Jesus? Over time, that thought became a pipe dream in my mind. I just gave up. We were not going to make these magical new friends, and most of our oldest and best friends were at least an hour away; some were as many as twelve.
By the time I accepted the position with our church, I was ready to gather all my far-flung friends and move them into a compound somewhere remote and tropical. Looking around on one of those first Sunday mornings, it occurred to me that new friendships might be a possibility. After I had been there several months, our church decided to launch a small-group ministry. Don't tell anyone, but I was highly skeptical. Don't repeat this, either (especially, and I repeat especially not to my husband), but occasionally, AND ONLY occasionally, I am wrong.
Boy, was I wrong. In a single night with my small group, we've been known to shed tears, have deep theological discussions, laugh till we can't breathe over a conversation about $10.00 Rural King jeans, and experience the occasional streaking through the living room by a preschooler in his tighty-whities. And that was all just last Wednesday.
This place with these people is where "Lauren the Director of Children's Ministry" gets to just be Lauren the Person. Lauren who lets her guard down and laughs too loud and talks too much and cries too easily and eats too many banana muffins. More than ever before, I am aware that one of the greatest blessings in this life is finding a place where I can be myself. I walk into that group each week knowing I can be me without fear of judgment or repercussion. Will I be mocked? Probably! Will I be judged? Never. What a precious gift to enter a room knowing your words will be held in confidence, your burdens lifted, your joys celebrated, your spirit edified, your heart understood.
More thoughts on friendship==> To The Ones Who Love Me Through
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