You See Me Better Than I Can

Many ideas have come and gone for writing this week. Overwhelmed with everything, I decided to file some ideas away for later (the precious gift of new friendships, more Family Features, and experiencing the loss of my father-in-law). I've discarded others (rant on those who tell children giggling in the cafeteria is not allowed because "Someone could get hurt!"). Because I chose to listen to one of my favorite songs, though, I have changed my mind.
The song is one my daddy introduced me to about five years ago. It is Willie Nelson's version of "Till I Can Gain Control Again," and it perfectly captures the way I often feel.

Just like the sun over the mountaintop,

You know I'll always come again

You know I love to spend my morning time

Like sunlight dancing on your skin

I have never gone so wrong

As for telling lies to you

What you've seen is what I've been

There is nothing I can hide from you

You see me better than I can

Out on the road that lies before me now

There are some turns where I will spin

I only hope that you will hold me now

Till I can gain control again

It brings tears to my eyes almost every time I listen to it, not only because it rings true with me, but because it makes me all the more grateful for the man who holds me and for the God who holds us both. When Matt and I went through premarital counseling, we heard a lot about how husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church. That did not resound with me as strongly then as it does now, with our second anniversary just over a week away. I am continually struck by the way Matt loves me and the amount of grace he heaps on me day in and day out, always seeing me "better than I can."

On my way to lunch this afternoon I caught part of a sermon on the radio. The pastor was talking about the importance of loyalty in friendship. He said that being loyal meant loving without illusions while focusing on a friend's strengths. That is exactly what Matt does for me. He shares an intimacy with me that no one else has access to. He knows everything about me. He knows where I am weak, but he focuses on my strengths. He believes in me. He pushes me. When the weight of the world settles in on my shoulders, and I begin to spin, he holds me, reminding me that my Heavenly Father is forgiving me and nudging me and inviting me to rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

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