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This Is My Story, This Is My Song!

I was recently asked to share my testimony so that people could know me better.  Who are you? Where did you come from?  How did a nice girl like you end up in a...just kidding!  I realized my story could be summed up in three lines from one of my favorite songs: 
"No guilt in life, no fear in death, this is the power of Christ in me."

I never thought I had a great testimony.  Those beautiful, Apostle Paul-like stories of conversion?  Notsomuch.  I was ten years old when I accepted Jesus into my heart to be my Lord and Savior.  I only waited that long because I was afraid of being baptized.  Swimming underwater was not my strong suit, and my preacher told me he'd hold me down till I bubbled. (He didn't.)   I finally made the leap when I attended an evangelical event with kids from our church.  The depiction of Hell was enough for me-I wanted it taken care of that night.  I'll never forget the moment, after I made the decision, when the man who played Satan shook my hand and said, "God bless you."  


My understanding of grace at that time was that it meant a ticket to Heaven.  What a beautiful, glorious thing!  I got to go to Heaven because Jesus paid my way.  
No Fear in Death


Years later, my overactive mind began to wonder, When I get to Heaven, will Jesus read off a list of every mistake I've ever made?  Will I have to sit in shame while I listen to all my sins?  Thankfully, my father came into my room one day and found me on the floor, crying over this very thought.  He held me in his arms and explained to me that there is NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1) Asking Jesus to forgive my sins meant He would cast them into the Sea of Forgetfulness and remove them as far as the east is from the west.  (Micah 7:19, Hebrews 8:12, Isaiah 43:25,  Psalm 103:12).  Jesus was not sitting around stewing over my mistakes.  This was truly life-changing for me.  I know many Christians who walk in guilt, terrified of losing their salvation, trying to make their good outweigh their bad.  Turns out, Jesus isn't working on tally marks.  Who the Lord sets free is free indeed! (John 8:36)  Accepting Jesus was not just a ticket to Heaven, it was a call to abundant life.  
No Guilt in Life


The place I am in now is one of extreme growth, excitement, discomfort, and wonder.  This year, I dove headfirst into children's ministry, and God is holding me down till I bubble!  When I began to feel this tug again on my heart, I was caught in a push-and-pull- alternately wanting to do this work I had a passion for and warning God that He surely didn't want me.  Me?!  Comfort- zone-dwelling, forgetful, struggling, thin-skinned, change-hating, not-good-enough-for-ministry me? I had seen the inner workings of church.  I knew how bad things could get.  I had even promised myself at one time that my own family would never be that involved again.  Too much risk.


In the middle of this tug-of-war, my pastor preached a sermon on Jonah.  Mr. "You want me to go where?  And do what exactly?  With them?"  It was all about running away from what God is calling you to.  Breaking every law of church etiquette, my dear mama sat beside me, repeatedly elbowed me, and said, "He's talking to YOU."  Thanks, Mom.    


Then along comes a lesson on Moses.  This is the lesson I will never forget and one I return to time and again.  It's from Exodus 3:11-14.  God is calling Moses to get the Israelite slaves out of Egypt.  The moment that took my breath away is when Moses asks, Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?" The human nature in me waits for God to tell Moses that he's a great leader, a real stand-up guy, a terrific knitter, whatever the qualifications are for leading a slave revolution out of an incredibly powerful country.  What does God say? "I will be with you."  Not, You've got this.  Not, look at how cool you are.  Not, Don't worry about that stuttering problem.  Just "I will be with you."  
That.changes.everything.


I kept trying to tell God I wasn't enough, and He kept telling me that He was.  Furthermore, He was teaching me that He wanted to use me, not in spite of my weaknesses but through my weaknesses.  For His grace is sufficient for me, and His power is made perfect in my weakness. (2 Cor. 12:9)  


Meanwhile, as I continued to doubt, I had a dear friend who was partnering with me in prayer and mentoring me through this process.  She gave me great advice-Don't decide what God can or can't do through you."  What a Moses moment!  I had also been struggling so much with the thought that I just was not worthy of such a call.  I hadn't used those words with this friend.  And out of the blue, she tells me she thinks God wants her to say to me, "You are worthy.  You are worthy of this call.  Take this step with me."  I read those words and sobbed.  I was in.  When I was asked in an interview whether I felt capable of doing this, I said I'm not, but I AM is.  Sweet freedom.
This is the Power of Christ in Me!
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Unknown said…
goosebumps. chills. tears. i love you.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
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